The Biggest Mistake I Ever Made as a Manager

I wish I could tell you that the hardest part about writing this post was coming up with an example of a big mistake I made as a manager, but the truth is, the challenge was choosing which one among many. When I first started managing other people, I made every mistake in the book and added a few of my own. I had no training, no support and absolutely no idea what I was doing.

Fresh out of grad school, my first position was running a community center. We had programs going from 8:00 in the morning until 9:00 at night- kids, teens, new moms, seniors, English language learners…there was no population we didn’t try to serve. And the programs we didn’t run ourselves, we partnered with other organizations to run them. Sometimes I can still hear the sound of the buzzer on that entry system. Days were hectic, dynamic and full and there didn’t seem to be time for much of anything- including, as it turns out, managing my staff. I was caught up in all the work and all the tasks and all the meetings, and all my focus and attention were reserved for the clients. Through all the hustle and bustle, I told myself that this is what nonprofit work was, and that it was supposed to be crazy and busy and who takes time for lunch anyway? Sound familiar?

It wasn’t my intention to ignore my staff. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t think much about them at all. As someone who considered herself independent and competent, I always appreciated having the freedom to do my work without someone looking over my shoulder. On top of which, I felt that too much time was wasted on pointless meetings throughout my days. So, for the seven minutes I dedicated to thinking about how I would supervise my staff, I decided the best thing I could do was to let them do their thing and I would do mine, assuming they would welcome and appreciate the freedom. No one-on-one meetings, no discussion of goals and expectations and no time set aside for feedback, reflection, strategic planning or brainstorming. Nothing really. Absolutely nothing.

Unsurprisingly, this strategy- a generous term for what was essentially sheer neglect- was an utter and complete disaster. And it played no favorites. My staff who were high performers and those who were lower performers were affected alike and none in a positive way. Their performance began to suffer which in turn began to strain our working relationships. As time wore on and we continued to wear on each other everything was falling apart around us. My solution? Just keep on plugging away and hope for the best.

When things eventually became unbearable, I realized I had to do something, so I spent an entire weekend writing down and practicing what I wanted to say to my team. On the morning of our meeting I was nervous and nauseous. I made it through whatever ill-advised diatribe I felt appropriate to share and the response was less than welcoming. I suppose even if it were more effective and well said, at that point, it would not have mattered. The damage had been done. I had shown, without question, that I had no idea what I was doing and I had given my staff no reason to trust or respect me. At the time, this frustrated me, but in hindsight I can only empathize. It was a hard, horrible lesson to learn and I am forever sorry to my team for putting them through it.

After that initial experience, I knew I had to learn how to become a better manager, so that become my focus for the next year. I sought out trainings (not easy to find!), watched webinars, read books, and met with other managers for more coffees than I could possibly count. Slowly but surely, my skillset and my confidence grew and my journey to becoming a competent manager and eventually a skilled leader was underway. It continues today as I hope it always will.

The lessons I have learned along the way are too many too include here (though they are captured beautifully on my BLOG 😉), but the takeaway I hope to share with you today concerns this strategy of neglect. The problem with neglecting staff is that it sends the message that you simply don’t care. With competent staff, they may not need oversight, but they most certainly need guidance, support, coaching, encouragement, investment, resources, opportunity and recognition, to name a few. They need to know that you care about them as employees as well as people. They need support and opportunity to continue their professional growth. They need to know that you recognize and appreciate all the good work they are doing. They may appreciate the space to do their work without unnecessary interference, but it does not mean they want to be ignored. In fact, most of them will crave your attention, your mentorship, your support and your acknowledgement. Without it, you will lose these staff. They may not leave the organization but once they mentally check out, there’s not much difference.

With staff who are not meeting expectations, neglect only exacerbates the situation. Not addressing what needs to change tacitly sends the message that what is happening is acceptable. In cases where staff is intentionally performing in ways they know they shouldn’t, you are essentially giving them your permission through your silence. In cases where they don’t know that their performance is not meeting expectations, not addressing it will never cause a shift. They will assume they are performing as they should and will continue to do whatever it is you think they shouldn’t be doing. And you will continue to complain and blame them for it. This cycle never gets better until we make the choice to make it so.  

Managing is a skill and an art that requires great thought, commitment and dedication to do it well. When someone becomes a manager for the first time, it is only natural that she will stumble along the way. In fact, it’s necessary on the path to getting better. But you will find that your staff will be forgiving and understanding if they know you care about them and who they are. Eventually they will see you get better with their help and it can be a powerful experience to go through with your team as you grow individually and collectively. But you will find that your staff will be far less forgiving if you ignore them sending the message that you do not care. Not only is the perception that you don’t do your job well but even worse that they don’t matter to you.

Even all these years later, it is not easy for me to share this. When I think back on that time, I still cringe at the mess that I made. But I choose to share this story because I know my experience is not unique. Throughout my career including now in my business that is focused on supporting new managers, I hear the same stories over and over again. Sharing my story is intended to show my readers and my clients that

1) You are not alone

2) I’ve been there and I know what you are experiencing and

3) It can and will all get better the minute you decide to make a change.

So if you are a manager, new or otherwise, who is struggling with staff, welcome to the club! Managing is as challenging as it is rewarding and it takes time to do it well. It is possible you are one of the lucky ones who figures it all out on your own, but if you are like most of us, you need support, training, encouragement, feedback and guidance as you strive to get better.  Let’s talk about how to get you there. CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE