Hurry Up and Wait: Balancing Patience and Impatience When It Comes to Your Goals

We often hear that our strengths sometimes act as weaknesses, but we rarely hear about how our weaknesses can also act as strengths. Though less commonly discussed, this concept is just as important in our own understanding of ourselves and our growth. In her seminal work, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, Debbie Ford describes weaknesses as strengths that are turned up too loud. She asserts that, when we raise the volume on our strengths too much, they turn into weaknesses, but that if we lower the volume on our weaknesses, they can become strengths. This is true for any strength or weakness and for me, it perfectly captures my lifelong battle balancing patience and impatience, equally beneficial and equally harmful in reaching my goals depending on the circumstances. This is as true for me as it is for you. In order to reach our goals, all of us must learn to balance our patience and impatience in getting there.

Since I was little, I have been impatient. I have always wanted things when I have wanted them and have not always been so gracious when I didn’t get them. This has caused problems for me and those around me when at times, I become pushy or when I start to complain. Or when someone would promises me something but does not follow through. Others have been quick to point out my impatience, always in a negative way and never as a compliment. I understand what they mean but I also think they partially miss the point.

Being impatient can most certainly cause problems when it is turned up too loud, but it can also be a strength when the volume is turned down, and there is drive to act and go after what we want. The older we get, the more apparent it becomes that we need to look after ourselves and create the life we want to live, intentionally and actively. People will not make this happen for us. People will not reach out to us offering jobs, money or promotions. We need to apply and earn and ask. If we start a business, we cannot sit back and wait for customers to come to us. We have to market and grind and hustle to make that business grow. When we are waiting for someone to call us back or send us a document and they just aren’t doing it, we need to follow up and get what we need.  

The clichés about time going fast and making the most of how much we have are as common as they are true. It is all too easy to spend all our time- regardless of how long it may be- sitting around and waiting for something to happen. Sometimes it will. Most times it won’t. And then we are left asking ourselves where all that time went. Quite frankly, it passed us by while we waited for something to happen to us instead of making something happen for us.

So be impatient. With your goals and with whatever it is you want to do. Don’t wait for a perfect moment that will never come. Make the moment perfect for what you want to do. Go after what you want. Be impatient.

BUT

Learn to be patient with the process. Because anything we do, everything we do is a process, and we need to let the process run its course before we reach our goals. Again, this does not mean sitting back and hoping for something to happen. We must be impatient in going after what we want but we must do so with an understanding that the process in getting there takes time. Building relationships takes time. Working with people to help them grow takes time. Getting really good at something takes time. When we rush the process, we often hinder our chances of success. Balancing patience and impatience is important to understand and really difficult to navigate.

So much of our success in reaching our goals hinges on our willingness to get started and get comfortable with not being very good when we start. Particularly when it comes to service delivery- teaching, coaching, training, speaking, presenting, facilitating- there is only so much we can learn without doing. Once we start doing, we will learn firsthand what works and what doesn’t, with whom and under what circumstances. Then we can adjust and move forward. Each step of the way, we can rise to a higher level, as we stumble through the nuances, challenges and joys of honing our respective crafts.

When we are working with our teams to help them develop and grow, we also need to exhibit patience. We need to be impatient in addressing what we need to address, and we need to be patient with the process of doing so. Change is hard and we need to be intentional with the support and patience we afford our staff as they strive for this change. We should also be generous in affording this same support and patience with ourselves as we work toward our own positive change. It is a process. It is always a process. Be impatient in starting and patient in continuing. Balancing patience and impatience is the key.

Similarly, when we are in leadership positions, we must be patient in our work with others. Particularly when we are new to a position. Too many of us- myself included- take on a new role and immediately start implementing major changes because we think we know best and because we want to prove our value. This almost never ends well. We need to understand the situation we are in and we cannot do this without learning from the people who are already there. We cannot get others on board with our vision if they do now even know who we are.

So much of the work we do requires balance. In terms of reaching our goals, this balancing patience and impatience is necessary. It is important that we are impatient in going after what we want while making sure we are patient with the process of getting there. Good things take time, and they are always that much better when we give them the time they deserve.