When You Feel Like Giving Up: Struggle and Survival in Our Work

Don’t.

Just don’t.

Ever.

You may need to adjust your approach or your mindset or even your goals, but you have to keep at it. Because if you care enough to let it get you down, then you care about the work and we need more people who care about the work. This work we do is hard. Really hard. Some days harder than we think we can handle. Some days, hard enough that we feel like giving up. But don’t. Just don’t. Ever.

One of Those Days

I’m saying this to you as much as I am saying it to me. Today was one of those days for me. I felt like no matter what I did, everything went wrong. My clients worked my last nerve, the technology gods had a hearty laugh at my expense, and I seriously questioned if my email wasn’t working properly because no one who said they would get back to me did. It was one of those days when I asked myself why I even bother, when I dreamed of all the countless other jobs that would be easier, more respected and more lucrative. When I wondered if it was time for something else.

I have had days like this before, and undoubtedly, I will have them again. But over the years, I have learned to make a very important distinction between a bad day and a bad fit. Today, I know, was a bad day. Tomorrow, I’m confident will be better. Days like this come with serving others and it does not make the work any less important, impactful or noble. It just makes it hard and if we’re being honest, really crappy at times. But, when you are called to serve others, these days are manageable knowing there is a greater purpose to what we are doing. Knowing that the line of work we have chosen is not easy, not well-respected and not well-compensated but we do it anyway because we are called to help others. Sometimes it feels like we aren’t accomplishing much of anything and that we are putting forth so much time and effort and energy just to keep our heads above water. It can feel pointless and defeating. Some days we feel like giving up. But we can’t. We just can’t. Ever.

Because we know that the work we do does matter. We have had those success stories over and over and over again. We enjoy the great privilege of witnessing our clients’ growth firsthand, and we develop an understanding and appreciation that this does not come quickly or easily. We learn that we are able to help some clients in big ways, others in small ways, and others still in ways we may never know. When we are truly honest with ourselves, we must admit that there are some clients we simply have not been able to help at all.

The Conditions

The conditions under which we work are challenging- the hours, the pay, the stress, the secondhand trauma, the lack of appreciation, the lack of support all combine for a work environment that is not for the faint of heart. We do it anyway, because we are driven by it and because we are fulfilled by it. We tolerate circumstances that are not designed to serve us or our clients because we want to do our part in making the world a better place. But that doesn’t mean we have to accept things as they are.

There is a lot to our work that is not as it should be and there is a lot we can do to make it better, for our clients and for ourselves. We should not give up trying, even though this change can be slow and hard and met with more resistance than should be allowed. We owe it to ourselves and to our clients to make the work as effective and efficient and joyful as possible. We need to take care of ourselves and each other. We need to advocate for what we deserve, and we need to keep at it even when we feel like giving up. It may be easier to wait for Superman but it’s much more effective to put on our own cape.

We talk a lot about self-care in this field, even if we are not always good at it and even if we don’t always listen. It is important that we make this self-care a part of our practice throughout all of our days, not just those when we feel like giving up. But it is essential that we have these coping mechanisms on the days we feel like giving up. Because we can’t. We simply can’t. Not ever.

A Bad Day or a Bad Fit?

When we have moments of wanting to give up, it is important for us to recognize if we are simply having a bad day or if our current situation is a bad fit. Perhaps it is the job responsibilities or the organization or our boss, but when our bad days begin to outnumber our good ones, it is time to ask ourselves what is going on and how we can make it better. Are there changes we can make to improve our situation or is it time to move on? And if we decide we want to move on, does that mean to a different department, a different role, a different organization or an entirely different career?

It may be that you love where you work but you just don’t love the type of work you are doing. Is it time to switch roles? Maybe you love the type of work you are doing but you just don’t like where you are doing it. Is it time to switch organizations? Maybe you love where you work and you love your role, but you really, really do not like your boss. Is it time to switch departments?

The work of serving others can be done in a thousand different places in a thousand different ways. If you are in direct service and think you may need a break from working directly with clients, you can explore a new role as an administrator or a fundraiser or a researcher or a funder or a consultant or an author or a speaker or a program developer or a legislator or a grant writer or a recruiter or a trainer or a coach or any number of other roles. Perhaps you want to continue in direct service but simply need a change. If you are at a smaller organization, maybe you would enjoy a larger one. If you are working with one population, you may be ready to try working with another. Perhaps you would enjoy working outside of the nonprofit world and try out the education filed or public service or even the private sector (I can practically feel my social work program rescinding my degree as we speak). There are lots of ways to do good and whatever way works for you, works for me.

Depending on your goals and your financial situation, you may decide to transition from full-time to part-time work. Or start your own business. Or volunteer and find something altogether different to get paid for. Serving others does not need to be your sole source of income, but it does need to be a part of who you are and what you do. Because it is a part of who you are and what you do. That’s why you’re here. You could have chosen any number of careers but you chose this one. You are here for a reason, even when that reason is not always clear and even on the days when you question it. Even in the moments when you feel like giving up.

The Call

We were not created to live a life just for ourselves. Many try and few find joy in it. Those of us who are called to the work know that we are fulfilled by that call, if not simultaneously worn down and exhausted by it. You chose to serve others for a reason. Remind yourself of that reason. As many times as you have to. Perhaps your reason will change over time. Maybe it will circle back at some point. But it is really helpful to remind yourself of your reason, especially on days when you feel like giving up.

You know this work is hard. You choose to do it anyway. Keep choosing it. Know inside that you are making the right choice by serving others. Embrace it deep down even when no one else thanks you or recognizes you or appreciates you. Do the work because it is the work you are meant to do even as it takes on different forms throughout time.

In the case that you have asked yourself all the questions, you have done all of the soul-searching, you have taken all the aptitude tests and you have tried every which way and you simply do not want to work in this field anymore, it is essential for you and for your clients that you do not work in this field anymore. But, that does not mean you can abandon the work altogether. There are lots of ways to give back outside of your full-time job, so find the one that works for you. Consider ways to give of your time, your money or your advocacy. Do something. Do anything. Do what you can, all you can to continue contributing to the greater good. In the immortal words of A.W. Streane:

“You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.”

So, keep at it. Take care of yourself and don’t give up. Don’t. Just don’t. Ever.

And thank you for all that you do.